We have our anatomy scan tomorrow and as long as baby cooperates, we’ll be finding out the sex! Everyone at work tells me they think I’m having a boy and only three people (2 friends and J) have predicted a girl. Just for fun, I thought I’d post the results of gender prediction old wives’ tales.
- My feet are no colder than before – Girl
- I seem to be carrying low – Boy
- Needle on a string – back and forth, Boy
- If you’re craving sweets – I crave sweet and salty, so I think it’s a tie
- Baby’s heart rate is over 140 (in the mid-150s) – Girl
- I don’t think my nose is widening – Girl
- Acne/definitely not more beautiful- Girl (she’s stealing my beauty, as they say)
- The expectant father is not gaining weight like me – Girl
- Chinese birth charts – Boy
- Hair on my legs is growing faster – Boy
- The maternal grandmother has gray hair – Boy
- Prefer sleeping on my right side (which is new) – Girl
- Age at conception was odd and month was even – Boy
- Not that queasy- Boy
So, the grand total is . . . . 7 for Boy and 6 for Girl. Pretty much a toss up, which is pretty fitting since there is a 50/50 chance by pure probability. Hopefully I’ll have answers tomorrow!
I just burst into tears because my husband said that I’m hard to talk to tonight because I keep getting confused, using unclear language, etc. We were trying to figure out if the furniture we want for the nursery will fit and since drawing land boundary plans is part of his job, he grabbed some graph paper, a ruler, and some cardboard and made a to-scale 2D replica of the room and furniture. He was talking about the height of the dresser (i.e., how far off the ground it is), but because I was looking at a 2D picture, when he said the dresser was shorter than the window I was confused because it seemed longer in the diagram. Anyway, it was silly and once I realized the confusion, I laughed and cried simultaneously. I laughed at myself, but bawled because baby brain has definitely been affecting me and it often makes me feel less efficient at my job. Plus, I’ve felt more irritable and moody the last couple days, so I think I just needed that release.
I recently finished Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella. I started reading Sophie Kinsella through the Shopaholic series. Her books are a light read that I find to be perfect for sitting poolside on vacation. Undomestic Goddess is not one of the Shopaholic series, but it is equally light. Although I enjoy Sophie Kinsella’s books, they are all very similar in that the protagonist is always a woman who gets herself into a whole mess by not telling the truth. She always tries to find a way out of some problem by twisting the truth more and more. I find myself cringing and “telling” the characters to just fess up because it would solve so many problems. However, then there would be no books. Instead a new lie needs to be told in order to keep up the charade and the character digs herself into even bigger trouble. In the end, the truth always comes out and things work out, but it is usually such a mess before it gets to that point. It’s entertaining to be along for the ride, but in my personal life I try to keep the chaos to a minimum and am an honest person, so I could not imagine getting myself into similar situations. I guess that is something to be thankful for :)
Sometimes I feel like I am already failing as a mother. As much as I wanted a baby and still want this baby (oh so much!!!!), I have a hard time making all the perfect choices. I often eat things I shouldn’t (fast food, chips, ice cream, cookies, candy . . .) and don’t eat everything I should (8 servings of fruit and veggies a day, probably not quite enough protein, 10 glasses of water). Some days are definitely better than others and I usually get at least 6 glasses of water and I aim for at least 4 or 5 servings of veggies, but when thinking of what I want for lunch, I often turn to chicken fingers and fries over a nice healthy wrap or can of tuna and rice. Same goes for snack options. Chips sound so much more appetizing and satisfying than carrots with hummus (although I just ate carrots and hummus as a mid-morning snack at work). I also still drink diet coke, but not in the volume I once did or anything close. My doctor said the equivalent of one can a day would be fine. I don’t even have it that often, but I worry that maybe my doctor’s wrong and I should have cut it out cold turkey. On top of the diet issue, I’m not exactly exercising. I’ve tried, a bit. I went for a few walks and within 5-10 minutes, my calves were burning. Then I hobbled home at a ridiculously slow pace. One time it was so bad that when I got home my left leg felt foreign to my body and a cross between numb and tingling. It stayed like that for about 20-30 minutes I’d say. I also tried a little prenatal yoga thanks to youtube videos, but I hate yoga ordinarily and didn’t particularly like the prenatal variety either. Motivation for exercise has never been my strong suit, but now I have a whole different level of guilt. It’s not just my body I could be hurting; what if I am putting my baby at risk. You’d think that would be enough motivation right there, but then I think about all the people who don’t exercise and eat crap and they manage to escape complications with their pregnancies and their babies. I know what the best choice would be, but it’s hard to force myself into it. I just want my baby to be healthy and I worry that I’m not doing enough to make that happen. Probably ridiculous, but if something happens, won’t I blame myself or at least wonder what if?
Most of my posts in the last few months have been about my pregnancy. I tried not to become pregnancy obsessed on the blog, but it has been hard because I am really, really happy. However, I still want to acknowledge the pain of infertility, not only for myself but for the many, many couples continuing to struggle in their journey toward becoming parents.
As such, I posted more openly than ever before about infertility on facebook. Along with this picture (which I have posted on the blog before):
I wrote the following: It’s Canadian Infertility Awareness Week. Infertility is a medical condition that affects 1 in 6 couples for a variety of reasons and it affects people of all ages. As someone who struggled with infertility, I wholeheartedly believe the research that shows that the stress of it is akin to being told you have a terminal illness or the death of a loved one. Even though I’m pregnant, I still have Diminished Ovarian Reserve and may never be able to get pregnant again. I consider myself extremely lucky and want to honor the others who are still trying.
Several people “liked” my post and one wrote a kind message. I decided to divulge more information in response. Here’s what I wrote: Thanks X (and everyone else who liked the status). We got very lucky and got pregnant naturally while on the wait list for IVF. Infertility is often treated like a taboo, hidden topic, but it’s more common than most people realize. For those going through it, it is often emotionally, physically, and financially draining. I know I really benefited from support from friends and strangers alike, so I want to acknowledge our struggle to conceive and the grief we experienced so as to take a step toward making this a more open topic and to support others if I can.
I hope that if anyone on my facebook is dealing with infertility now or in the future, they’ll feel comfortable contacting me to ask questions, share experiences, or just vent. As happy as I am now, I know that my infertility didn’t magically go away and I remember the grief that I experienced. It doesn’t take away from my feelings now and I don’t feel like I was robbed of all the time we spent trying, but it needs to be remembered and acknowledged.
Tonight, J turned to me, looked at my bump, and humorously said, “You’ve gained a little weight.” The other night he asked me if I had started wearing any “pregnant clothes” yet. I laughed and looked up at him incredulously. He was able to correctly assume from this that I was, in fact, dressed head-to-toe in maternity clothes. I informed him that I have been almost exclusively wearing maternity clothes for about a month. When we started driving, he noticed that my seat belt was under my belly (as is the correct position) and thought it was funny that my belly poked out over it.
J’s humorous response to my changing body is more giddy and amazed than teasing. It has led to talking to and about the baby more. I think by seeing my belly grow, and being told that the baby can apparently hear now, he feels that he is able to interact with the baby more. This makes me extremely happy! Although I know he was always happy about having a child, I think it was more of an abstract, removed concept and as the pregnancy progresses, it’s becoming real. I can’t wait until we can both feel the baby move (I might have felt a bit of rippling movements last night) because that will increase the reality even more!
This past weekend was a double celebration for us. Sunday was both my first (unofficial?) mother’s day and J’s 32nd birthday. Sunday was a day of mostly chores for both of us, but J got me a beautiful, touching mother’s day card that made me cry! He had some cards from family that he opened and I had him pick what I’d make for dinner. His real celebration was a dinner out on Saturday. He requested Buffalo Wild Wings. We had never been there, but he loves the Pittsburgh Penguins and wings, so a wing-oriented sports bar on the night of a Penguins game was perfect. Since he is a type 1 diabetic who is very strict with his insulin and carb intake, he said no to offers of a cake (he’s never been that into cake anyway) or lemon pie (which he does splurge on at Christmas). He said wings would be his cake :)
While we were at dinner, we started talking about the baby and making guesses about whether it’s a boy or girl (stay tuned because our ultrasound is booked for May 31st!). Everyone has been telling me that they think it’s a boy, so I have started to believe this too. J said he thinks it’s a girl. This led to a conversation about how J thinks this is likely going to be our only child. I hadn’t been thinking that way, but I agree that I don’t expect having another one will suddenly be easy or even possible. We both consider ourselves to be so blessed with this opportunity to be parents to one child, and as an only child, I know that it can be lonely, but not so bad (and there are several benefits). Because of this, we probably won’t pursue IVF to have another child. We agree that we’ll never use birth control again, because a natural pregnancy would be very welcomed. We’re are also on the same page (at least at this moment) that if we do not get pregnant again, but we want to expand our family, that adoption might be the right path for us. J used to see adoption as a last resort before we ever started TTC because he worried about his ability to love an adopted child as much as he’d love his own biological child, but something has changed. To hear him talk about how he likes the idea of adoption because there are children out there who need homes and how he would love them just as much melts my heart. Bottom line: I don’t know what the future has in store for our family, and right now I am just beyond ecstatic to be pregnant with this child, but going forward, I know that J and I will be building and nurturing our family together.