Sometimes I feel like I am already failing as a mother. As much as I wanted a baby and still want this baby (oh so much!!!!), I have a hard time making all the perfect choices. I often eat things I shouldn’t (fast food, chips, ice cream, cookies, candy . . .) and don’t eat everything I should (8 servings of fruit and veggies a day, probably not quite enough protein, 10 glasses of water). Some days are definitely better than others and I usually get at least 6 glasses of water and I aim for at least 4 or 5 servings of veggies, but when thinking of what I want for lunch, I often turn to chicken fingers and fries over a nice healthy wrap or can of tuna and rice. Same goes for snack options. Chips sound so much more appetizing and satisfying than carrots with hummus (although I just ate carrots and hummus as a mid-morning snack at work). I also still drink diet coke, but not in the volume I once did or anything close. My doctor said the equivalent of one can a day would be fine. I don’t even have it that often, but I worry that maybe my doctor’s wrong and I should have cut it out cold turkey. On top of the diet issue, I’m not exactly exercising. I’ve tried, a bit. I went for a few walks and within 5-10 minutes, my calves were burning. Then I hobbled home at a ridiculously slow pace. One time it was so bad that when I got home my left leg felt foreign to my body and a cross between numb and tingling. It stayed like that for about 20-30 minutes I’d say. I also tried a little prenatal yoga thanks to youtube videos, but I hate yoga ordinarily and didn’t particularly like the prenatal variety either. Motivation for exercise has never been my strong suit, but now I have a whole different level of guilt. It’s not just my body I could be hurting; what if I am putting my baby at risk. You’d think that would be enough motivation right there, but then I think about all the people who don’t exercise and eat crap and they manage to escape complications with their pregnancies and their babies. I know what the best choice would be, but it’s hard to force myself into it. I just want my baby to be healthy and I worry that I’m not doing enough to make that happen. Probably ridiculous, but if something happens, won’t I blame myself or at least wonder what if?