So this post has no real theme. There’s just a couple things I thought I could update my loyal readers (all 1 or 2 of you) on.
J and I went to see Spiderman last night for our anniversary. My dad said we’re an old boring married couple already, but I had a nice evening. We don’t really do anniversary gifts (although J bought me a watch last year since I had lost mine not too long before that), but I decided to make something. Sentimental gifts seem to be more of a girl thing than a guy thing, but I decided to risk it and hope that J appreciated the thought behind it. I borrowed an idea from pinterest (http://visualheart.wordpress.com/2012/02/19/52-things-i-love-about-you/). Luckily, he did appreciate it and reading through my reasons I love him reminds me of all the wonderful things about him.
This month, after 3 months of tracking my BBT, I decided to put the thermometer and charts in the drawer and enjoy sleeping in when I can. I had some leftover First Response OPKs and had just bought a bunch of cheap ones from http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com (for some reason the link wasn’t working for me), so I decided that I would keep using OPKs until I run out (or get pregnant – hopefully the latter happens first). Today is CD19 and I peed on the stick first thing when I woke up. The test line was much darker than the control line, so that’s a BFP (Big Fat Positive) – unfortunately this is the only type of BFP I ever get. I’ve had positive OPKs every month that I’ve used them, so it’s not like getting a positive is a direct path to pregnancy, but it is nice to see the positive all the same. So since I got the positive today, that means I should ovulate between this morning and 7:30 pm tomorrow night. That is pretty consistent with the BBT charts that showed I ovulated on CD20 the last 3 months. One thing for sure, I’m consistent. Consistency is good, but since I keep having short luteal phases it’s not the best in this case. BUT ovulation is certainly better than an anovulatory cycle.
Ever since I got my blood test results from my doctor and she said she’d refer us to the fertility clinic, I have felt more positive and calmer. It’s been nice and made this month much more enjoyable. My head is clearer in general, and especially when spending time with J. It’s comforting to feel more in the moment again. Hopefully it lasts. That being said, I was emailing one of my best friends today and I tried to describe how wanting to conceive and not being able to feels to me. I described it as a knot in my stomach, a primal, guttural longing and a sensation like I am going to rip from the inside. Sometimes I just want to scream to try to release the tension. Luckily that’s not how I feel right this minute. So I’ll cling to that.
There, that’s the end of the randomness that was this post.
From Here To Motherhood 
I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed that this is your month!
Thank you very much Alyssa! And thanks for following my blog. I love yours! I feel like I can relate to most everything you say, almost as if I could have written most of those posts myself.