I have the utmost respect for doctors but I would like to stop dealing with them for quite some time. In happy news, I have stopped taking labetalol for my blood pressure. Apparently I had postpartum pre-eclampsia, which I didn’t even know existed. My mom, the emergency room doctor, asked me for the numbers of my blood and urine results and now that they have gone down considerably she told me she had been worried. Hopefully my results are even closer to normal or actually normal now because I am at the lab to do what I hope will be my last set of tests to confirm that there are no other lingering issues.
In other news, Lyla is now a formula fed baby. Really she has been for weeks but we were attempting breast feeding at each feeding and she was getting about 20ml from me. Unfortunately there was no gain in my supply or her weight over the last week. I started domperidone but it would take 6 weeks to see the max effects. I was very stressed and dreaded feeding. We decided we would switch to formula only if 1) the max dose of the domperidone wasn’t enough, 2) I couldn’t handle the side effects, or 3) Lyla continued to not gain weight at this week’s appointment. However, I got a call on Saturday that my mom was pulled off her plane and sent to the hospital to have her appendix removed. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back and I couldn’t take anymore stress. J was already hoping we’d just switch to formula so I said we would and then he said he’d feed Lyla next time so I could go see my mom. I still feel guilty and like I made the switch for mostly selfish reasons (although the lack of weight gain was a big concern for me), but I also feel relief. I can see how much she is eating and we can hopefully start establishing a routine. Maybe if I had held out longer the meds would have done the trick, but Lyla is also a lazy eater and nearly impossible to wake (and impossible to keep awake and calm enough to latch) so it was a bad combination. The what if of that bothers me, but I think we made the right decision for our whole family at the time. Through this experience I have discovered that so many women I know have struggled with nursing and most of them did switch to formula. Before I thought people just didn’t try hard enough but now I have a whole new perspective. Typing this out I can see how people might think I did t try hard enough, after all 6 weeks isn’t that long to see if something works, but these 3.5 weeks have been so hard on me emotionally that I didn’t think I could mentally handle 6 more.