This morning when I was in the shower, J came upstairs to brush his teeth. He said hello to “his girls” and, completely out of the blue, asked if I was in labor. He is definitely excited for the baby to get here and I think he’s hoping I’ll go into labor ASAP. I am more patient than he is at the moment because tomorrow is my last day of work and I am hoping to enjoy a couple days to a week of mat leave before she makes her big debut. Of course, if she comes before then, I will welcome her with open arms and just be happy if she has a safe arrival. However, a bit of relaxation (luckily I prepped the meals I had planned for freezing already) and getting a couple errands done sounds great! I’m also a wee bit scared of labor. I thought I might have been going into labor on Monday because of some persistent back pain, intense cramping, and nausea, but I was wrong. During that time though, I became a bit nervous because I was really uncomfortable but expected it was pre-labor or really early labor and I wondered just how much worse it was going to feel. I could definitely handle the discomfort I was experiencing, but the unknown of just how much the increase in intensity from early labor to active labor will be is what is anxiety-provoking for me.
I’m also starting to worry a bit more about adjusting to the demands of motherhood. Not a minute goes by that I’m not 100% certain that this is a dream come true, but it doesn’t mean it will be easy or that I’ll be blissful all the time. Fatigue and hormones are bound to cause some meltdowns and feelings of being overwhelmed. Because I’m at higher risk for postpartum depression (PPD), I’m worried about how I’ll react to all the change and new demands. I know that mommy blues are very common, so I also wonder if I’ll attribute normal feelings and reactions to PPD and rush to the doctor to increase my meds. I consider myself proactive in treating my depression (which is extremely well-managed now), which is good, but I don’t want to over-medicate or pathologize what is normal. I’m hoping that self-reflection and open communication with my doctor (and my doctor parents) will help me determine what is and is not normal.