Throughout my pregnancy I have actually looked forward to going to the doctor’s office. It’s not like when I have to go for a prescription or a suspected sinus infection, which feels like an inconvenience. Instead, I am going to get an update on my baby and I get to hear her heartbeat, which is a wonderful comfort. Today was different.
First the good news: heart beat is still going strong, my blood pressure was lower than last week (120/84), and my stomach is measuring perfectly.
The bad parts: today I had my swab for group B strep, which involves swabbing the vagina and bum. Let me just say that my bum does not like having anything trying to get in, so there was a fiery/stingy sensation. But it was over fairly quickly and I probably wouldn’t have thought too much of it if that’s where my pain ended. Instead, the doctor followed it up with a cervical check. As a disclaimer, let me say that the doctor I have been seeing for the last couple months is very sweet and I am sure she did her job properly. Unfortunately, that did not stop me from feeling so much pain that I cried. After not having sex for 5+ months, I am definitely not used to anything being jammed up there. She told me to expect a lot of pressure and to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I tried, but all I could focus on was the pain and it seemed like every time I hoped it was over, she reached further. I also couldn’t help but feel violated even though I know she was just doing a routine medical check. So the pain combined with my feelings brought tears to my eyes. Once I get teary eyed, it is very easy for me to begin sobbing, especially these days. So that’s essentially what I did and I felt pretty embarrassed. I cry when I’m sad, hurt, angry, and apparently embarrassed. So the embarrassment made me cry harder. The doctor felt bad and said if she had realized it would hurt me so badly, she never would have done it. She also wasn’t able to tell if the baby is still head down because my cervix is closed, so she has to send me for an ultrasound anyway. So all the pain and no gain. Luckily, she assured me that I would not have to do that again.