When I first started developing a bump, I loved it! Pre-pregnancy, I was packing on an extra 10-15 pounds more than I was remotely comfortable with and sometimes felt like I was sporting a bump anyway. So to be able to let it all hang out and for it to be a sign of the miraculous development that was taking place within me was glorious. Then I started getting comments from others about how “huge” I was. I was sometimes upset by these comments, but overall, I was still just reveling in my expanding belly.
With pregnancy comes recommended weight gain ranges. For someone with a normal BMI, the total recommended weight gain is 25-35 pounds, with only 3-5 pounds being gained in the first trimester. I gained 8, but I didn’t care. Since then, I have continued to gain more than the recommended weekly amount, coming close to doubling it. At 27 weeks, I had already gained 25 pounds with 13 weeks of rapid weight gain left to go. My mom gained 40 pounds with me and I have read that much of a woman’s pregnancy weight gain is hereditary. So I tried not to worry too much, but then with the gestational diabetes scare, I started realizing that I was overdoing it with the junk food. I also noticed how big my arms and face (areas I have always scrutinized) looked in pictures from our summer vacation and I was only 22 weeks then. So now, I still love my belly, but I feel more self-conscious about the rest of me. I want J to take some maternity pictures of me (he has an interest in photography and lots of great equipment, so fingers crossed we get a handful of nice ones), but I am planning out angles and outfits to reduce my almost double chin and my arms will most definitely be covered. I can’t even hide behind my hair because I made the mistake of chopping that off in the first trimester.
Another thing that makes it hard to feel sexy is that J has a love/hate relationship with the bump. He absolutely loves it in every way except when it comes to thinking about having sex with me. He loves to put his hand on it and to talk to it, and he is so clearly in love with our daughter already, but he is weirded out by the idea of seeing the bump during sex. So basically, this onesie sums up our current sex life:
I’ve actually had dreams where I beg him to have sex with me. And to make matters worse, my “mechanical helper” has decided to break. So rather than getting motivated to get it on, J encouraged me to go out and buy a new one. Kind of a funny convo to have with your husband, but we have that sort of relationship. Honestly, it’s all pretty humorous, but I would love to feel pretty, sexy, and desirable again.