I will admit that I put a lot of people in awkward positions by being very open about infertility, but I was often met with comments that, while probably well-intentioned, were shortsighted and hurtful. I suspect these comments were born out of ignorance to the realities of infertility, rather than insensitivity. All the same, I was ready to shake my friends and family after the words left their mouths. As I know that many people who have experience with infertility have also heard seemingly insensitive comments, I thought I’d share some of my most memorable. Most of these took place over Facebook so I was actually able to get the verbatim transcript.
1) Friend: Maybe some little baby out there needs you ..whatever is meant to be will be. But you will be a mom one way or another! Believe me…I’d skip being pregnant! Not so fun lol
My response: Sometimes I do wonder if maybe we can’t have a biological baby because I have the capacity to love (100% love) a baby who isn’t related to me, or even the same race as me. But we still have to try biologically for our own curiosity if nothing else. I really do want to experience pregnancy. I know you say it’s not fun. But I want to know what it’s like to pee on a stick and actually see a positive, to see an ultrasound, to feel a kick, and to even experience the pains of labor and delivery. If I can’t experience that, I will still love my child, but I will grieve the loss of experience.
2) (immediately after discussing the roller coaster of emotions involved in infertility and waiting for IVF) Oh and (name removed) is pregnant!
3) I can always send you (my daughter), those darn teenage girls.
4) You aren’t getting any younger. (How apt since it turned out that I have DOR.)
What are some of your “favorites”?