I think I have been doing remarkably well considering the circumstances. I cried a lot when we first learned about DOR, but after a week or two, I started to feel more normal again. Then, after our follow-up appointment, I felt hopeful. Slowly the fear started to creep back in, but I was still keeping it together. Last night I cracked. A friend of mine recently started a photography business and most of her pictures are of babies. I was looking through her pictures and longing for a baby but also admiring how cute they were; then I saw the post of one woman’s maternity photos followed by the pictures of her holding her newborn. I just thought to myself how it’s so unfair that I can’t have that (at least not easily, and maybe never). I got a little teary, but that was all. I went upstairs to bed shortly after and J noticed my eyes looked wet, so he asked me what was wrong. Such a simple question, but it is what broke me. So I started crying and it took me a little while to stop. I thought of what my mother had said back when we first found out the diagnosis, that I will go through waves of emotions and that’s perfectly normal. So I tried to calm myself down and recognize that my breakdown is a natural part of this entirely unjust process. So there will be ups and downs and I am thankful to have this blog to be able to express both sides and for the support that you have all shown me.