The Tortoise or the Hare?

A friend of mine from grad school just excitedly told me that she and her husband are starting to TTC this month. She is excited, understandably so. I am happy for her, but I also feel a sense of dread. I feel like she’s bound to get pregnant before me and, although she has been married only one year less than and is a year older than me and fully deserving of being a mother, it just doesn’t feel fair. I felt dread because I feel that I will undoubtedly have to prepare myself for her pregnancy announcement before I even get my positive pee stick. This may not happen, but given my track record  and the fact that she’s a fresh start, it just feels inevitable. I’m not getting super down about it, but I couldn’t feel super excited for her either. I replied to her text with a text saying good luck, but had she seen my face she would have seen self-pity cross it. Having just gotten my period today and going through cramps (a literally painful reminder of my empty womb) made it harder to receive the news. I doubt my friend would expect or understand my reaction because she recently asked me if it wasn’t too early to be worrying about infertility. I hope she has better luck than me. As hard as it will be to hear about her pregnancy news if I’m not pregnant, I will be happy for her and I don’t wish infertility on anyone.


5 thoughts on “The Tortoise or the Hare?

  1. Ugh, I totally know what you mean. Every time I heard that someone was starting to TTC I had to come to terms with the fact that they would likely get pregnant before I did. However, knowing and being prepared for her to announce a pregnancy is MUCH easier than being blind-sided with an announcement when you had no idea she was trying. Trust me…in my almost 3 years since we started trying, I’ve dealt with both situations and ALWAYS preferred being prepared. Just my 2 cents. Thinking about you! That next RE appt is getting closer and closer! Then you can get this show on the road!

    • Yes I definitely prefer being prepared than blindsided. I’d feel absolutely gutted if I had no warning. I want to be uninhibitedly happy for my friends, but infertility has made me so self-centered! Everything revolves around it and my problems. The countdown to the RE is definitely ON!!!! I am scared, but almost sure it’s going to be unexplained. At least we can still be treated and won’t just be turned away to keep trying though.

  2. I have many friends that say they are going to start trying and then the next month it kills me. Also one of Ty’s perpetually pregnant cousins announced she is pregnant again. It makes me die Alittle but I forget its not a race, it’s each persons own journey. Some are harder then others but you never know what other issues may lie beneath. Just because they had a easy time TTC doesn’t mean all else is perfect in their life. Even with all that said, it fing sucks any time someone says they are trying to convince. An I throw temper tantrums in my bathroom.

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