A friend of mine from grad school just excitedly told me that she and her husband are starting to TTC this month. She is excited, understandably so. I am happy for her, but I also feel a sense of dread. I feel like she’s bound to get pregnant before me and, although she has been married only one year less than and is a year older than me and fully deserving of being a mother, it just doesn’t feel fair. I felt dread because I feel that I will undoubtedly have to prepare myself for her pregnancy announcement before I even get my positive pee stick. This may not happen, but given my track record and the fact that she’s a fresh start, it just feels inevitable. I’m not getting super down about it, but I couldn’t feel super excited for her either. I replied to her text with a text saying good luck, but had she seen my face she would have seen self-pity cross it. Having just gotten my period today and going through cramps (a literally painful reminder of my empty womb) made it harder to receive the news. I doubt my friend would expect or understand my reaction because she recently asked me if it wasn’t too early to be worrying about infertility. I hope she has better luck than me. As hard as it will be to hear about her pregnancy news if I’m not pregnant, I will be happy for her and I don’t wish infertility on anyone.