Men are sensitive about their organs
– My Mom
The above quote came out of my mother’s mouth while we talked on the phone the other night. I was expressing my feelings about J’s comment about “my” appointments at the clinic and his SA. I never would have expected to have such a conversation with my mother. We don’t talk about sex or anything sexual. Sometimes we would get into conversations, but then I’d always get squeamish and cut it off abruptly. It’s so weird because I was like a walking Cosmo magazine when I was in high school and a bunch of my friends said I should go into sex therapy instead of becoming a child psychologist. I can, and do, talk about sex with anyone other than my parents. It just feels so taboo and uncomfortable. It’s even hard to acknowledge that I’m having sex to them (not that it really comes up in conversation). Obviously I am. I mean, I’m married and TTC. This whole TTC process has made me open up a lot more to my mom about everything, including my bodily functions and secretions (lol).
During my convo with my mom, I also brought up how she couldn’t have more kids after me. She wasn’t all that concerned because, as she said, she already had me. But they tried for an additional 8 years, until she was 40. They never got tested, so I have no answers about whether it was due to my mom, my dad, a combination, or unexplained. I find that I always assume that it was my mom because she’s the one who gave birth to me and couldn’t give birth (or get pregnant) with another child. This also makes statistical sense since 2/3 of infertility cases are due to an issue with the woman (more to go wrong in the process I suppose). However, it could have easily been my dad since he was an alcoholic until I was 8 and alcohol can affect sperm. I’ll never know, but now that we’re having issues I wonder if it’s “like mother, like daughter”. Again, I’ll never know and knowing wouldn’t really make a difference at this point. Had I known for sure that my mother had a fertility issue, I might have sought out help sooner and maybe we’d already have answers, or much better yet, a baby. Regardless, we’re on an answer-finding mission in the next month or so, so it becomes a moot point. One positive way of spinning the “like mother, like daughter” notion is that she was able to conceive me naturally (on the first cycle), so there’s hope for me.