Questions, Questions

When will I get pregnant? * Am I capable of getting pregnant? * What if it doesn’t happen? * Is it J or me, or both? * Are we having sex enough? * Are we having sex too much? * How can we keep sex fun when we have to schedule it? * Are we having sex on the right days? * When am I ovulating? * Did I already ovulate? * Does this count as ewcm? * Do I have a luteal phase defect? * Is there such a thing as a luteal phase defect? * Do I have endometriosis? * How do they test for endometriosis? * Will the test hurt? * What is the recovery time? * How much work can I expect to miss for all these tests and treatments? * What are the available treatments? * What are the success rates? * What about natural treatments like acupuncture and herbs? * Could they do more harm than good? * Can I handle to effects of some of the fertility meds? * Is this cm a sign of pregnancy or AF? * How soon is HCG detectable? * How quickly does HCG double? * Is it possible to test positive late? * How late? * Is it possible to get a “period” and still be pregnant? * Was it safe to have that drink last night? * Is it safe to eat this deli meat? * Am I drinking too much diet coke? * What if the alcohol I drink during the “safe times” is impacting my fertility? * Is J’s laptop giving off too much heat over his balls? * Could his alcohol consumption be affecting his fertility? * Am I just too stressed out? * If I reach a point where I’m ready to give up, is that when it will happen? * When is long enough to consider adoption? * Am I at risk of driving J away because of my obsession? * How much will this cost? * What is the wait time? * What are normal hormone levels? * Is it safe to dye your hair while pregnant/when you could be pregnant? * Did I move too much to get an accurate BBT reading? * Is it ok to sleep in a bit or do I need to get up at the same time to take my temperature? * Is one brand of pregnancy test better than another? * Am I pregnant right now? * Is this a sign that I’ll be a bad mother? * Is this a sign that we’re genetically flawed? * Why is it so easy for some and not for others? * Is it something I did? . . .

These are just some of the questions that run through my head. I’m listing them because I know that some of my readers have not had trouble trying to conceive and many of these thoughts may not have even crossed their minds. I envy them because there are so many things to consider and stress about. It seems like I am googling one question or another nearly every day. Some of the above questions might seem overreactive or like I am getting worked up too soon, but when you’re struggling to conceive you think about every little thing that you might be doing wrong, worry about whether it’s safe to do something during the 2WW or not (just in case), wonder what the issue(s) could be, and research all sorts of legitimate and folklore treatment options.

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10 thoughts on “Questions, Questions

  1. I ask the same daily. Here are some highlights…

    No such thing as too much sex unless there is a sperm count issue. A Short Luteal phase can cause issues. HCG levels are different for everyone, you could be super low or super high on the scale, so dont try to compare. Google photos for cervical mucus, it helped me alot but I have kinda of given up on that considering it was hard to judge when doing BD often, it all seemed to mixed together.It is possible to still turn a test late but if you do, I would call your doctor ASAP so that they can run out a tubal pregnancy. Some people spot monthly and give birth to healthy babies so it is possible to have a “period”. I would lay off the diet coke. I have stopped the deli meats, cheeses and unpasteurized anything BUT women in the 10950s drank and smoked and ate anything and they were fine. His alcohol level could be causing an issue, I have told Ty to lay off and start taking vitamins. Did you move too much taking you BBT, doubtful unless you got out of bed and did jumping jacks for a minute before taking your temp. Holistic routes are often good because you can try them before a doctor will see you (our doctor asked us to try for 6 months before calling, but i am sure i will have to wait a year before we try anything aggressive). TTC and Pregnancy and having the kid, costs a shit ton of money and you will probably use all your time off.

    It is nothing you did to cause this. And you really never know how long it took someone to get pregnant in the first place and if you dwell on that, you will stop enjoying everything about this journey, even if it is a long one.

    Take it one day at time a time. Allow yourself time to think about these things but set a cut off time. 10 minutes, 1 minute, 30 minutes and stick with it. You are going to miss out on life if you let it consume you. I was miserable the last two months because I was consumed… and it did turn Ty and I into distant roommates… But now that I am finding outlets, its helping.

    Breathe.

  2. Thanks Mare – you should have my job (I’m a psychologist) haha! Some of those questions I posed are things I now know the answers too, but I was trying to think of a bunch of the questions that have gone through my mind over this past year. I am just a know-it-all, control freak who googles anything I am curious about, so not knowing and having no control is sooooooo difficult. It’s been 14 months since I stopped BC, 11 months of possibility, and 9 months of solid, timed effort. I am just so frustrated right now . . . . the fact that I have depression and I tend to ruminate on things that bother me (part of my condition, but something I should still work on controlling) makes things worse. I had been doing better with TTC stress, but I go through waves.

    • I am right there with you. I ruminate on things and I often bottle things up inside and then explode over the most random things. Writing down what I am thankful for really has helped me. There was a study done a few weeks ago stating that people who wrote down daily 3 things they were grateful for became happier over time even if nothing had changed in their life. I have only started with the one thing and it does make a difference… also re-routing the stress. I have started baking ALOT more but its getting expensive… reading…

      I think all those things towards the end of my cycle, I start googling obsessively, and probably drive everyone insane. I am hoping to curb that this month with the gratitude stuff and the acupuncture. You should try the acupuncture
      , It has really helped me and it gives me something to look forward to weekly (I think I will go through withdrawals when I go to monthly sessions, which usually happens after the first month or so).

      This week I got really upset because a friend of mine announced she was pregnant. I felt so jaded. So failed. So unhappy. I decided to take a bath and once I got out of the bath, I had to leave those thoughts in there and physically watch the water(and thoughts) go down the drain. I know its silly but it really did help and I was able to move forward.

      • Oh I’ve been doing acupuncture for over a month now. I go weekly and love it! I go to a clinic that focuses on holistic treatment for infertility. It definitely helps with my stress, but this week has seemed rough for me. I’m so thankful for our upcoming RE appointment, but I think I’m really scared that it won’t be the quick fix I’ve been counting on it being. One of my friends’ daughter turns one tomorrow and another friend is planning to announce her pregnancy on facebook next week. I am just in one of those “everyone is pregnant or has a child but me” moods and I’m letting fear overcome me.

  3. Those same questions cross my mind on a regular basis! It’s so hard to not let those questions and doubts creep into your mind, and when you feel like you have no control over what’s going on, I think the obsessive research (that I know I at least do) helps to feel like you’re doing something as opposed to nothing. Even if that “research” involves consulting Dr. Google :)

    • That’s exactly how I feel. I am a proactive, productive person who is a self-acknowledged type A personality. I am goal-oriented and not used to not being able to achieve my goals, so feeling so out of control while TTC is EXTREMELY difficult to cope with. Dr. Google searches give me this false sense of control (to a degree), but then I usually end up driving myself nuts with all the inconsistencies and the success stories that all seemed to involve YEARS of trying. Dr. Google can be helpful, but he can also lead you astray.

  4. I’m seriously dying here! That list is like reading what’s going on in my head! Thanks for checking out my tumblr page, I’m so excited that people are starting to get into the site and I think people can seriously relate!!!

    ttcal.tumblr.com

    Talk to you soon!

    • Thanks for returning the favor and visiting my blog. It’s amazing how many like-minded people I’ve already encountered in the short time I’ve been writing my blog. It’s helpful to know I’m not alone!

  5. Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I love to meet fellow Canadians on this journey. Have you checked out ivf.ca? It’s a Canadian resource for infertility, not just ivf. The forums are great. You’ll be able to connect with other ladies going to your clinic. Best of luck over the next few months. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have!

    • I have been on ivf.ca, but not nearly as much as I check out babycenter.com’s forums. Normally I end up on ivf.ca from a specific google search and I did think that the site might be more exclusively dedicated to those in the process of IVF. I’ll have to spend some more time looking at it. Connecting with local ladies would be nice as well!

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