I look up all this information online and sometimes it comforts me and sometimes it scares me. Yesterday I read a forum post about endometriosis and it seemed like everyone had been trying for years, tried multiple treatments, and still weren’t pregnant. Although I know someone who got pregnant 2 months after having her endometriosis treated, I got scared that these other stories were more of the norm. The reason this scares me so much is because I have reason to believe that I have endometriosis. I ended up feeling really blah last night and even crying a little bit when it was time to go to sleep. I am so hopeful for our upcoming RE appointment and I am expecting our experience with the fertility clinic to shed light on our issues and solve them. But what if it still takes years?! I don’t know if I can handle that. I know that I can never stop trying to have a child in one way or another, but the pain, stress, anxiety, depression, anger, and crushed hope that I have experienced in the past year have been so hard to deal with already. I’m sure that the longer our struggle to have a child continues, the harder these feelings will be to take.


One thought on “Doubts

  1. I have those days too. I have been trying to be positive myself – thus writing down at least one thing each day – on a piece of paper, which I put into a jar – of what I am thankful for. I have turned off the internet when it comes to baby info. I just cant deal anymore. I have started to look to real people and the blogs here. I find it comforting to hear other peoples stories, real people that I can talk to in person, because I find the internet doesn’t always give you a dialogue especially when you look up a question and the last answer is from 2008.

    Hang in there. Its hard. I know it is. I have been beating myself up wondering why is this not happening, is it something I did to cause this, am I not being proactive enough. Its also compounded by a few people telling me they are expecting and about to announce it on Facebook. I cried alittle about that. I am happy for them but it makes me think that I have something horribly wrong with my body.

    Years does seem like a LONG time away. I know how hard that is, but don’t put yourself in that boat. You need to be in the present, you are going to miss out on alot of things if you are always looking towards the future. A month is a long time. I hate waiting. I hate wondering. But I also hate not smiling and not enjoying my life.

    Find some thing that works for you to take your mind off of everything. I try to allow myself a big deep breath and on the exhale, I need to let it go. And if keep thinking about it, I divert myself, workout – bake – watch real housewives.

    You can get through this. I know you can.

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