Power of Suggestion

Right now I am potentially at 5 or maybe 6 DPO. I have still not had a positive OPK so I am making that statement based on EWCM (which I know isn’t foolproof, but neither is an OPK or even BBT for that matter). However, I had the darkest OPK result of this month yesterday, so it made me wonder if a positive is yet to come. I kind of hope it’s not because that would mean I am ovulating later than usual (the exact opposite of what I want), whereas if my EWCM was right, then I ovulated at a much better place in my cycle. At the same time, no positive OPK all month is abnormal for me (i.e., it’s never happened) and it could mean I didn’t ovulate at all (a big step backwards).

Last night I was researching a bunch of stuff about OPKs: false positives, using them as pregnancy tests, the relationship between LH and HCG, etc. Toward the end of my search, I ended up looking up HCG levels at 4DPO and then symptoms at 4DPO. Lots of women don’t experience any symptoms at 4DPO, but according to http://www.twoweekwait.com/bfpsymptoms/dpo/, plenty do experience some form of symptoms. Of course, the symptoms they experience are also very common 2WW symptoms and I have been fooled before (fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me). So I try really hard not to read into my 2WW symptoms (damn progesterone, always confusing things). Over the last few months I’ve successfully ignored or brushed off 2WW symptoms because I had no (or at least, very little) hope. This month I am noticing more symptoms, but once I start thinking about a symptom I try to figure out whether I have it. Blame it on my renewed sense of hope! So last night, while reading 4DPO symptoms, I started to notice sore/achy boobs, a slight ache in my lower back, mild cramps (although cramping throughout my cycle is a pretty common occurrence for me), and a sore neck and shoulder blades. When I am distracted, I don’t really notice these things so it makes me wonder if it’s just the power of suggestion, or if they are just quite mild. Even if they are absolutely real, I have to remind myself that it doesn’t mean anything. I have experienced this and more during other cycles and got a BFN. But, instead of totally berating myself for getting suckered in again, I am remaining cautiously hopeful.

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